Shadows in the Moonlight
by gungnirburst
Summary: After ending up in the hospital from drug overdose, Saïx goes into a rehab program to get clean, but escaping from drug addiction isn't that easy. [ AU. Xemnas/Saïx. Mature themes. Discontinued. ]
1. Overdosing

Fanfic Title: Shadows in the Moonlight

Game: Kingdom Hearts series

Pairing: Xemnas x Saïx

Author: keadeblue264

Like OMG! It is time, ladies and gentlemen, but mostly ladies, for some XemSaï yaoi angsty/morbidly depressing stuff! Yaaaaaaaay for the yaoi part! … the rest is just dismal to me… Anyway, I am so obsessed with the ever smexy couple that is XemSaï. So naturally, I have the urge to want to contribute to the collection, but I'm sorry that my first XemSaï fic is something like this... So very very sorry. It's sad though…my best friend probably thinks that I'm crazy for liking this yaoi pairing. …Oh well! By the way, I made up ages for Saïx and Xemnas so yeah. Now, on with the XemSaï!!

Summary: After ending up in the hospital from drug overdose, Saïx goes into a rehab program to get clean, but escaping from drug addiction, even with the help of his doctor, Xemnas, isn't that easy. Especially if you have as much emotional baggage as Saïx does. XemSaï, AU, yaoi.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts series. *runs into the night while weeping hysterically*

Warnings/Notes: Eventual yaoi sex (meaning guy-on-guy), AU (very, very, very AU), bad language, drugs, ODing, withdrawal symptoms, angst, abuse, death and/or suicide, otherwise unpleasantness, and probably other depressing things that I can't think of at this moment. My god…my mood was thrown headfirst into the gutter while I typed that… This is gonna suck major ass for me…

Chapter 1: Overdosing

The full moon shined brightly in the night sky above him, illuminating the dark corners and shady alleyways in a subtle, yet haunting glow. The part of town that he stood in was the red-light district, famous for selling and advertising debauchery in the form strip clubs and all-night bars. Many people rushed in every night after the sun went down, eager to finally obtain what they had waited all day for.

But he was here for neither one.

Furthermore, he wasn't extremely appealed to drinking himself under the table with other vulgar, uncivilized drunkards or wasting his riches on seeing half-naked women dancing around and sliding on metal poles placed on stage in a dimly lit room while listening to the hooting and hollering of perverted and ultimately overexcited men.

The blue-haired man leaned against the wall of one of the numerous bars, blocking out the noises of its occupants getting shit-faced drunk.

He flicked his red lighter on and off, watching the flame produced by the motion go out just to come alive again before he lit the cigarette held between his lips. He didn't normally smoke regular cigarettes unless he was very bored and he had never been so tired of something in his life.

Waiting for his dealer was becoming a tedious habit.

He knew that his addiction to the particular narcotic that he was waiting to buy was extremely bad for him, could even rob him of his life quicker because he was so fond of using it. But what else could he use to full the ever-increasing hole in his heart and soul? In all of his twenty-eight years of existence, he had never discovered anything else that had given him such excitement, such lucidness, such thrill.

So what if it was bad for him? It made him happy and that was worth any sort of price he was willing to pay.

Opening his lips slightly to let the lethal smoke filling his lungs escape and holding his half-finished cigarette between his index and middle finger, he spotted his dealer out of the corner of his amber eyes. There weren't many people that he knew that had red, spiky hair and almost clown-like markings under green colored eyes.

When his slightly unusual-looking merchant finally reached him, he said calmly, "You're late once again, Axel."

"Oh come on, Saïx!" Axel griped, fumes from the long cigarette held between his lips hitting Saïx right in the middle of his face, "Don't you dare start giving me that kinda crap too. You know very well that I've got other clients."

"I thought you made a point to show up early for your best patrons," Saïx said, taking an extended drag from his own cigarette before letting it plummet to the ground and crushing the still lit stick underneath his boot.

"Can't help it if I get held up from time to time. And since when do you smoke cigarettes?"

"I usually keep a pack on me, just in case the urge strikes me or if there's nothing else I can do to senselessly waste my time. And you constantly blowing smoke in my face doesn't help."

Axel laughed slightly before saying, "Jeez, man. The last thing you need to be picking up bad habits from me. So, do you want the usual or do you feel like being spontaneous this time around?"

Axel gave Saïx a smirk that the devil himself would probably wear, his face betraying his true intentions perfectly. Axel was always trying to swindle more cash out of each and every single one of his customers, whether they were new users or regulars, but after five years of buying his poisons from the man, Saïx had practically learned about all of the cards the redhead constantly kept hidden up his sleeve.

"The usual," Saïx said, burying his cold hands in his trench coat pockets.

"Tch! Shoulda known that I can't pull a fast one on you anymore," Axel said, letting the butt of his finished cigarette fall from his fingers onto the ground.

"You can only fool someone so many times before they start to catch on to your ploys."

Actually, in all the five years in their relationship of seller and buyer, Saïx had only fallen for Axel's "special" merchandise only once before he started to catch on to Axel's game. He was younger back then and more inclined to make a mistake in the trade, but being a particularly smart person paid off in the end.

"Aw well. At least I gave it a shot."

Axel reached inside his leather biker's jacket and retrieved a medium sized brown box. He handed over to Saïx, who in turn, stuck the parcel carefully in his black coat. Because the cops were tightening up on drug crimes, Axel, as well as others in the same trade, started selling their wares in places that cops didn't usually hang out. The red-light district was the perfect location, but Axel had taken another step ahead and decided to keep his toxic products in normal looking containers.

"I shouldn't hafta say this to you of all people, but--"

"I know how to handle this, Axel. You should at least trust me a little by now," Saïx said boredly, cutting the fiery redhead short.

"One can never be too careful. Besides, I wouldn't like it if I had my ass hauled off to prison because of a regular's recklessness. Or because of anything or anybody else for that matter."

Taking his other hand out of his pocket, Saïx handed Axel a wad of bills while he said, "That's a kind of contradictory statement, considering that your main way of making a living for yourself is through drug dealing."

"Well, excuse me, Mr. I'm A Fucking Rich Asshole, but other people aren't as blessed as you when it comes to having oodles of money," Axel retorted, stuffing the currency into the back pocket of his jeans, "But I will admit that having you as one of my regulars has greatly increased my finances as of late."

Pausing for a moment, Saïx said, "That's very flattering and all, but I'd rather not get into an argument right now if it's all the same to you."

"Yeah, whatever you say, dude," Axel replied, taking a glance at his wristwatch, "Besides, I had better start haulin' some serious ass right now if I want to make it to my next buyer."

Axel gave Saïx some comically half-assed, almost forced wave and trotted off into the writhing mass of bodies in the street. Making sure he had a good hold of the box between his arm and the side of his chest, Saïx also stepped out of the alley and proceeded to walk home.

Even though he had a considerably large amount of money, Saïx's home wasn't exactly something other rich people would fawn over. It wasn't a horrible place, but it didn't have the overly extravagant feel of the wealthy either.

A quaint setting was the best thing the bluenette could ever want or ask for.

Saïx inserted his key into the door's lock and successfully opened it, striding inside and shutting the door behind him. He placed the box on the miniature table next to the door, pulling off his coat while he flipped the light switch. Saïx picked the box back up and headed into the living room.

His usual purchase from Axel lasted for about a week so he didn't really feel like there was any real hurry to mercilessly rip open the package like some sort of undomesticated animal, not that he would do that under any circumstances anyway, and start medicating himself with his overly priced drug. His stomach always came first before he would even think about indulging himself in a yet another drug-induced high.

Sitting the box down on a table in the center of the living room, Saïx walked into the kitchen and perused through cabinet after cabinet, not to mention the refrigerator, for something edible.

Two hours later

After satisfying his appetite and taking a short nap following a lengthy, well-deserved shower, Saïx returned to the living room and lounged on the sofa, lying back against the couch's soft cushions. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it spill back out of his mouth seconds later. Not even all the money in the world could pay for this type of relaxing luxury.

Cracking his eyes open until they were half-lidded, he glanced over at the box on the middle of the table. Feeling that there was no better time than now to begin, Saïx carefully took the lid off the box and peered inside. Contained within the box were seven hypodermic syringes, a tie for his arm, and seven vials of his liquid drug.

Heroin.

Situating the lid next to the box, Saïx removed a syringe, a vial, and the bind. Dropping all three on the table, he rolled his sleeve up to his shoulder. The skin of the crease where lower arm met upper arm had a tiny, almost healed hole with a tinge of purple around it. This was mostly due to the fact that it had been almost two days since he had had a hit.

Retrieving the strap and securely fastening it around the middle of his upper arm, he took the vial and the needle in his hands and slid the needle into the plastic covering of the vial, pulling back the end and watching the fluid fill the syringe.

With little effort, Saïx plunged the needle into his flesh, pushing the end down to let the narcotic flow into his bloodstream.

The kind of shudder one feels when they are out in the cold raced up his spine and he let out a shaky, unstable breath. He never really got used to the feeling of heroin flushing through veins and his reaction was just about always the same no matter how many times he injected himself.

Of course, being a drug addict, he was somewhat associated with others like him. And, like almost all other addicts, they always attempted to get him addicted to some other form of drug. They had once convinced him to try sniffing crack and he did, once and only once though. Saïx didn't like the unpleasant burn it left in his nose afterwards and it was surprising easily for him to never thinking about the stuff ever again.

An hour passed after he had taken his first hit that night and he didn't felt any different. He did feel a little languid and at peace, but, otherwise, he felt exactly the same as he had an hour previous. Deciding that taking another hit would solve the problem, he repeated the process.

Another hour trailed swiftly by and he still didn't feel a single, significant difference in himself.

"Goddammit," Saïx muttered lowly to himself, his face in his hands and his fingertips rubbing small circles on his forehand.

He was facing a very bad, potentially nerve wrecking situation. The fact that he had not felt anything unusual in the past two hours meant that his system was building up a tolerance to the heroin. Either that or Axel had sold him a bad batch without knowing it. But the first choice seemed more likely because of his five years of usage.

Five hours later

All seven of the hypodermic needles and vials were scattered in all sorts of directions on the table, not a solitary drop left in any of them. Saïx was sprawled out on the couch, his left leg dangling off the side. The fold in his arm was littered with minute holes, an increasingly large blot of purple coloring the pale skin. And he felt borderline perfect.

Time seemed to almost stop completely and all there was left was this feeling of perfection in him.

That is, until a different kind a sensation filled him a few minutes later. A lurching, repulsive phenomenon readily filled his abdomen and before he could register what was happening to him, he tumbled off the sofa, hitting the wood floor with a noisy thud and knocking the table over. Saïx coughed violently a few times prior to a burning feeling in his throat. He vomited on the ground, the disgusting taste of bile and partially digested food filling his mouth and covering his tongue.

With what little strength he had at the moment, Saïx got to his feet and unsteadily walked towards the kitchen counter. He realized that his legs were wobblier than he initially thought when he lost balance and collapsed into a small table, effectively knocking it over along with a lamp. Wincing faintly due to a small cut on his arm that he had received from a shard of broken glass, Saïx got back up to his feet, acquiring more cuts on his hands because he had to use them as leverage to even get up from the floor in the first place.

Unfortunately, he toppled over once again when he got halfway to the kitchen counter and regurgitated on the flooring once again, his throat burning like an unrestrained wildfire. Desperately, he tried to reach the phone in an attempt to call for help, but just as he was about to get his hand on it, Saïx fell unceremoniously to the floor and his vision faded to black.

Author's Notes: …… D: That was so awful…! *cries* At least I've already mentally prepared myself to be yelled at so if any of you are mad and/or upset, please feel free. And about Axel, I didn't feel like making up some person so I just decided to pick him for that role. I'm not sure if he'll make another appearance though. Hahaha he's a one-hit wonder. …… *drawn-out gasp* OMG, I think I finally got the idea for the AkuRoku story that I've wanted to write for a VERY long time! Thanks self! *hugs self* Oh and I should warn ya'll now that I won't be able to update frequently because I don't have Internet access at my house. Sorry! Anyway, please send me a review if you liked this.

P.S. Oh, and CrazyDumbassBlonde9110? I know that you wanted me to publish that Disgaea story that you asked me to write first, but I ended up finishing the rest of this chapter in one night and I wasn't gonna just let it sit on my jumpdrive and not publish it. So for that, I'm really sorry!


	2. Hospital Stay

I'm sorry for the extra long wait! Inspiration was hiding from me! Anyway, welcome to chapter 2. I'm just surprised that I haven't been shot yet. XD! If you're still reading this, even after what happened in chapter 1, I give you my thanks. This chapter is where Xemnas gets introduced in the story. Yays! Oh, by the way, I'm making him a 30 year old. Only 2 years older than Saïx so that's a pretty suitable age gap if you ask me. I just can't believe I made him a doctor. Pffft! Dr. Xemnas… God that makes me laugh every time… Once again, I'm VERY sorry for the wait. Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. …Nyah…

Chapter 2: Hospital Stay

The overbearing aroma of antiseptics encircled him and clouded his senses as he was beginning to awake from his slumber. The rhythmic beeping resonance of heart monitors and other various machines within his proximity made Saïx open his eyes unenthusiastically in order to pinpoint where he was. He had to blink a few times to clear his vision of the blurs that were preventing him from seeing clearly.

There was an intravenous needle in his right arm, slowly pumping a clear liquid into his veins and throughout the rest of his body. Saïx was dressed in a thin cotton material and he felt the cool air on his legs, even with the bed's covers over top of him. His hands and parts of his arms were bandaged up, red streaks decorating the areas in an almost zigzag pattern where his injuries were the deepest. Taking in his entire environment all at once, he had no trouble figuring out his current location.

Saïx was in a hospital.

At first, he speculated as to why he was in an infirmary in the first place, but he quickly remembered what had happened to him. But that still didn't really explain how he had managed to get in the hospital. He had been unable to call for help and his neighbors had to have been asleep by the time he had started taking the heroin he had bought from Axel.

Had all the crashing sounds woken up his neighbors? Did they even check on him or did they just call the police in fear that a burglar had broken into his home?

There was no way for Saïx to know what had taken place after he had collapsed in his home, but he was being treated in a hospital now so did it really matter what had transpired?

Saïx took in a deep, calming breath and lowered his eyelids somewhat, too tired to even think about what had taken place. He hated being in a hospital, especially because of his carelessness and utter disregard to the consequences of overusing his drug. In all other aspects, he was calm and always thought things through, but when it came to his heroin; his own need for self-fulfillment overcame his better judgment.

"Oh, I see that you're awake now," a female nurse said when she walked into his room.

She strolled over to the right side of his bed, clipboard in hand, and took a look at the devices that monitored his heartbeat and various other things that concerned his bodily functions.

"How are you feeling?" the woman asked.

"I've been better," Saïx replied dryly.

"Well, don't worry. You'll be out of here soon. I'll go alert your doctor that you've woken up and he'll be in here shortly," the woman said, turning on her heel and walking out of the room.

Saïx leaned back further in his bed, trying his best not to just rip out his IVs, get dressed, and leave the godforsaken place he was trapped in. Hospitals had always bothered him ever since he could care to remember and the sooner he could get out of the wretched building the better. Saïx's attention was centered at the door when a tall man—that he assumed was his doctor—came in with the clipboard the nurse had been carrying.

The sight that greeted him almost made him want to tilt his head to the side, just to confirm that he was seeing what he thought he was seeing and he probably would have done it if he didn't mind looking like a curious dog eyeing something from across a room.

He was a well-tanned man that appeared to be at least in his thirties, his body muscularly built. Perhaps too muscular considering his choice of profession, but Saïx didn't think he had the right to judge someone else's prerogative since he was the one in a hospital bed because he overdosed. But the features that stood out the most were the man's eyes and hair. Long, silver tresses ran past his shoulders and down part of his back and his eyes were an unusual orange-ish color that practically pierced through whatever his gaze landed on.

And right then, his eyes were locked on Saïx for the briefest of moments before turning them away.

Sa­ïx looked at the tag attached to the man's coat and he could only catch his name prior to his doctor walking towards one of the chairs in the room and sitting down, scribbling some notes on the clipboard.

Xemnas.

Saïx had never seen a man like this before. He looked almost emotionless, a cold, calculating air encircling his presence. He definitely clashed with Saïx when it came to the color of their skin, Xemnas being too dark and Saïx being too pale. Especially now that he felt so lifeless. He could only imagine what state he was in on the outside since he didn't have a mirror on hand and part of him didn't even want to know.

After a few minutes that mainly consisted of Xemnas writing quietly, he looked up at Saïx with a half-lidded stare. Saïx felt slightly uncomfortable under the man's scrutiny that seemed to center around the X-shaped scar on inbetween the bluenette's eyes.

"I assume you realize why you are here," Xemnas said, his deep voice like something Saïx had never heard before.

"Yes."

"Then I guess I won't have to go into too many details," Xemnas replied, standing up from the chair he was in.

"When you got here, you were practically dead," Xemnas continued, "We had to flush the heroin out of your system before we could even think about treating you. To honest, you're lucky to even be alive right now."

"How long was I out?"

"Almost a week."

After that answer, Xemnas went to check the machines just as the nurse had done before him.

Saïx didn't exactly feel very lucky, considering what he had done to get here in the first place. If anything, he was feeling rather unlucky because he had gone overboard with his so-called necessity.

Most people wouldn't say that he was fortunate, but rather that he was given a second chance. Another chance to clean up his act and repent for what he had done. Saïx had heard enough religious bullshit from his parents to last him a lifetime and he didn't feel like following their teachings now, even though it was the proper thing to do after surviving an encounter with death's door. Was he really supposed to throw away what the lifestyle he had gotten used to just because he almost died? What would be the point since he was meant to die some day anyway? Some would think this was morbid, but Saïx was a realist who knew where he would be headed.

"I want to go home."

Xemnas didn't look at Saïx as he said, "I'm sorry, but I can't allow that."

"And why is that?" Saïx asked, narrowing his eyes in anger.

"Hospital policy. You will have to enlist in our rehabilitation program to get over your heroin addiction."

"I don't want to."

"You should just be glad that I haven't decided to turn you over to the police," Xemnas said calmly, "I'll be back in five minutes Your choice had better be made by then."

Xemnas nonchalantly walked out of the room, not once glancing back at Saïx to see his reaction.

Saïx's fists balled up in the sheets. The cuts on his hands were stinging under the pressure, but he ignored it completely. He had never met someone that could irritate him so much in such a short period of time. That man had never even addressed him by his name while he was here. He looked at him like he was a lesser being compared to him, stared at his facial irregularity like he had never seen something like it in the past. And he was practically bossing him around, which Saïx didn't like in the least. Just because he was his doctor did not mean he had the right to order Saïx around. Weren't doctors supposed to be caring and considerate individuals who were nice to their patients?

Xemnas was probably just judging Saïx by his dependence on drugs.

Saïx closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart. There was no point in him flying into an uncontrolled rage in the middle of a hospital. He laughed quietly to himself, wondering if the infirmary he was in had an anger management program as well. He listened to the heart monitor's beeps slow down to its previous steady pattern.

Five minutes had apparently went by pretty quickly because when Saïx opened his eyes, Xemnas was standing at the foot of his bed.

"Well…have you made your decision?" Xemnas asked

Saïx looked intently at Xemnas. He hadn't really made his decision, too busy with mentally flipping out to think uninhibitedly.

Saïx sighed and said, "I have a question first."

"What?"

"You just think I'm some filthy, drug addicted idiot, don't you?"

Xemnas smiled sardonically and said, "So you are smarter than I originally thought you were. I must say…I'm impressed"

"I'm not like that," Saïx said, glaring at the tan man.

"Oh really? Then prove me wrong."

Saïx continued to look at Xemnas angrily, his hands once again clenching into fists. Then he made his choice; a choice that could very well change the rest of his natural life forever.

"Fine. I'll do it."

"Hmph. That's what I thought."

Xemnas walked out once again, the nurse from earlier standing outside, practically on pins and needles. She rushed up to him swiftly as he started to stride slowly away from his new patient's room.

"Did it work?" she asked hopefully, strolling alongside him.

"Of course it did. Reverse psychology always works when I employ it."

She chuckled lightly before saying, "I guess that's why you're the head doctor here. And one of our best therapists."

"Who could possibly be a better help for someone like him?"

"I wouldn't ask for anyone else, Doctor. But I just hope you can cure that poor dear of his terrible addiction."

"Well, we'll just have to see how much of a 'poor dear' he is when he gets started."

Xemnas couldn't help but be somewhat interested in how Saïx was going react to the treatment. His mind was already trying to piece together the puzzle that was Saïx. The scar on his forehead had initial intrigued him. He had been wondering how the man had even received such a thing. Perhaps it was somehow linked to what had caused him to start experimenting with heroin? What was the event that had started it all?

Maybe it was because he was a therapist that made him ask all these puzzling inquiries, but the questions would only continue to perplex him until he could take the time to uncover the answer. Would Saïx persevere through what was ahead for him or would he buckle under the grueling pressure of drug withdrawl? Xemnas could only wonder these things as he moved on to his office to start getting the paperwork in order.

Back in Saïx's room, he was thinking deeply, mostly about himself and what he was about to endeavor.

Saïx would attempt it, if only to show that there was more to him than his drug obsession. He never liked having to prove himself to other people, but this time would have to be an exception to his morals. He had talked himself into doing something he didn't want to do before, when he had first tried heroin five years ago.

Heroin had been a key part in his life for so long. That poison had helped make him the person that he was today.

But now, Saïx was going to make up for his past mistake.

Author's Notes: I would like to give some shout-outs since I wasn't sure how this story was going to do at first (you know, with all the drugs and stuff) and these fine individuals reassured me that people will read your story, no matter what it's about.

To My Gay Lover!! (a.k.a. CrazyDumbassBlonde9110. He was too lazy to login. -.-'!)—Not really for anything. I just enjoy laughing at you when you freak out in all capitol letters. You didn't have to read this story, you know. But you're going to keep reading this anyway so nyah. It's just a story; get over it already…

To Diviner's Superior—For liking angsty XemSaï. I think you might have hit the jackpot here. But the whole thing isn't going to be dripping with angst obviously. But I have a bit of an angst fix as well so yeah… .

To Izzy-Lawliet—For reading this story, despite the fact that you don't really read drug stories. And for PM chatting with me as long as you did, even though it had absolutely nothing to do with this story. XDDD!

To Murderous Fuck—For giving me some encouragement by being one of the first people to R&R this fanfic. Of course the fact that I told you about it after I published it helped, too.

Please Review!


	3. Discontinued

I think it's about time I man up and admit the truth.

This story will no longer be updated.

Yes. I just typed the words of doom.

I didn't feel right just slapping a discontinued label on this without explaining why. Considering how I've practically made you all think another chapter would come eventually, I owe at least that much.

Despite the few good comments I've gotten for this fic, I feel no real drive to complete it anymore, and that was due to my own mistakes entirely. I should have researched more before committing. Call me impatient, but I get ahead of myself sometimes when it comes to fanfiction plot. I've neglected even opening the folder on my computer where this story has continued to sit around and collect virtual dust. I rarely ever thought about it and whenever I did I wasn't very thrilled about it. I found myself being adverse to the whole premise. Just thinking about what I've written here makes me cringe.

In short, I hate this fic. I still somewhat like the idea (because nothing pushes buttons quite like heroin addiction), but the way it was carried out makes me hate it. The whole thing honestly needs to be redone because I'm not touching it with the way it is now.

I've thought about keeping this up. I've thought about deleting it. For now, I'm going to keep it up, but don't be surprised if one day you suddenly find it's on here anymore. I may rewrite this one day. But don't cross your fingers. And don't ask if you can adopt this. Let's just leave it alone.

If you have anything to say about this, feel free. And I'm sorry for any and all inconveniences I've caused.

Until next time.


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